Shannon Martin

Stressed by the Happiest Place on Earth

October 16, 2014October 16, 2014 Shannon Martin2 Comments

For several years now I have been promising Mr. Max that we would go to Disney World. I thought we would be able to pull it off and a few years back I began the process of planning our dream vacation to the Magic Kingdom. Then life happened and our finances that have always been spread pretty thin were pushed to their limits and I had to tell Max that our trip just wouldn’t be possible yet.

Fast forward to this past spring. I received a bonus for a job well done at work and thought at last our time had come! I once again began to look into planning a dream vacation, but it came to a screeching halt when I realize that the cost for the total trip package had gone up by about $1000! There was no way I could justify that! It would take the entire bonus and a whole lot more.

I accepted the fact that we just might not ever have the means necessary to ever go to Disney World. I wrestled with guilt and self-loathing. How could we not afford this, just one time? My husband and I both work full-time jobs and try very hard to live within our means. Frustration set in as the cost of living, groceries, and gas continued to go up but our pay increases just can’t keep up.

I took stock of our situation, realized we are better off than a lot of people, and in the same boat as many other people. Our circumstances are not unique. So I pulled myself up out of the depths of despair (thank you very much for that fantastic phrase Anne of Green Gables) and gave thanks and praise for the good times we do get to enjoy together as a family closer to home.

All of a sudden out of the clear blue sky my boss offered me the chance to attend a conference for work in November of this year. Any guesses where the conference would be taking place? That’s right, Orlando, Florida at the Disney World Resort! Best of all, I could bring my bring my family along and they could share my room with me. While I am in sessions all day, Max will get to enjoy the magic with his Dad. I will get to join them in the evenings.

It is the opportunity of a lifetime. Never again will we have the opportunity to go to Disney World and not have to pay for lodging. Many people have affirmed our decision to take the husband and Max with me, and have told us that there is no way we could pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity.

However;

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH IS STRESSING ME OUT TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!! (No pun intended!)

We are discovering that even with the advantage of having some of the costs covered because it is a business trip, the remaining costs are mounting rapidly; plane fare, park tickets, dog kennelling, dog vaccinations updated so they can go to the kennel. Then there are the anticipated expenses to come; tolls, airport parking, meals for the husband and Max, and any souvenirs. Everything added together will take care of maxing out my one small credit card.

Is it worth all this stress? Am I the only soul on planet Earth that is feeling sick and incredibly worried about how to make this trip happen and take care of all of the extra expenses and still manage to pay the bills on time? In the back of my mind are looming the upcoming expenses of putting heating oil in the tank and Christmas that is just around the corner.

Does anyone else feel like this before a vacation? Why are we as parents willing to go to such great lengths to create these special memories for our children? Am I nuts to go through with this? Right, wrong, or indifferent I am hoping for the best. Hoping that my heavenly father will take pity on me and my stupidity and help me pull this off. Even if that means we are having roman noodles for dinner every night in November not spent at Walt Disney World.

Even if we struggle for a few months, the time spent together will be worth it. It really, truly is a one time thing, and we will treasure the memories always. Right?

No Room For Doubts

October 13, 2014January 13, 2016 Shannon Martin2 Comments

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28, NRSV)

Have you ever heard anyway say you should do what you love and love what you do? How about they work for a living, but live to do something else? Lately the latter has been true for me, and I can’t honestly say that I have ever really felt the first one.

There have been two major employment type phases in my life; seven and a half years in the food service industry as a fast food manager and twelve years in an office setting in an accounting position of one type or another. During my fast food years I couldn’t wait to get into the professional field, and now that I have been in the professional field I wish I could be in more of a creative position. It would be pure heaven to be in a job role that required me to read all day! Does anyone know where I might find one of those?

Is it human nature to never be satisfied? I excelled in the restaurant industry because I can multi-task, have a pleasant people pleasing attitude, and a sense of urgency. I also do well in the accounting realm because my brain likes the logical side of it and enjoys digging down into the details of things to see how they come together to make the financial picture as a whole. However I am not convinced that I would ever be completely satisfied in either of these fields.

I miss the simplicity of fast food. Sure the hours weren’t the greatest and holidays weren’t paid days off, but it was nice to clock out and not take work home with me. I enjoy the perks of challenging my brain with reconciliations and being home nights and weekends, but the stress levels are much higher and I definitely take work home with me.

Do I feel dissatisfied because I feel my most current callings have been in more creative veins these past few years? Music is something that is a great pleasure for me. Writing has been a scary and intimidating road to start down, but there is satisfaction in seeing my words spilling from my head onto the computer screen as my fingers fly across the keyboard. There is no simple answer to this.

Perhaps there is a divine plan in all of this. Each step along my career path has been preparing me for the future that has yet to unfold itself. God blesses us each with multiple gifts and talents, and wants us to use them all for his glory. We are all kingdom workers and have the awesome privilege of working for the ultimate provider.

So how do we cheerfully perform the tasks that don’t excite or invigorate us, but are necessary and useful even if they are mundane? Prayers, lots and lots of prayers! I find myself praying for strength, and for wisdom in performing every task to the best of my ability, and patience to endure while doing what has to be done until the tasks are finished.

Lately I have found myself praying that God will help me to become more content with my lot in life. Visions of grandeur may be clouding my perceptions and leading me astray. Satan will hurl darts at us, and each dart is custom tailored for the person he takes aim at. He is looking to sow seeds of doubt and dissatisfaction. His goal is to distract us from the kingdom works of our hands. So daily I must ask God to provide me with the proper armour needed to protect myself from the evil darts with my name on them.

Like any good and loving father, he will provide each of us with exactly what we need if we ask him to.

My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (James 1:2-8, NRSV)

If We But Open Our Eyes To See

October 9, 2014January 13, 2016 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O most high; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy. (Psalm 92:1-4, NRSV)

Tonight my husband and I said goodbye to another dear face who has gone on to take up residence with his Lord and Savior. A face I will greatly miss that belonged to a sweet gentleman who enjoyed life here on this earth for a little over 90 years and always added a bright light to my day when ever I had the pleasure of seeing him. That seems like a long time in our human time reference frame, but to the heavenly realms it is really just the blink of an eye.

As children we spend our days wishing they would go faster so that we could be “old enough” for whatever our hearts desire was. Old enough to go to school, old enough to sit in the front seat, old enough to drive, old enough to graduate. These milestones seem to take an eternity to get to us and we wish that we could push a button that would speed time up.

Before we know it though, we are graduated from our childhoods and beginning the adult phase of our lives. Managing careers, starting and raising families, and taking care of our homes become the focus of our days. We get caught up in the rush of busy schedules and juggling finances trying to provide as best we can for the loved ones in our lives. The days start to fly by in a frenzied blur making it hard to catch a breath as we careen down the road our life journey is traveling. That is the stage that I am currently in. As the days whirl by faster and faster I wish there was a button I could hit to slow time down.

I have been told by many that I need to treasure these crazy days because they will be passed before I know it and I will miss them. Things like empty nests, retirement options, and end of life care decisions will need to be made. Sweet memories of earlier times will provide warmth and comfort in our twilight years and are the blessed remains of our existence that help keep us warm as we reflect over the trials and tribulations we have experienced all the years of our lives.

Through all these stages of life, we have a willing constant companion who gives us unconditional love, unconditional guidance, and the promise of life to come. We have access to all of this if we choose to have a relationship with our creator and to be saved by accepting his son, Jesus, who was the ultimate sacrifice, into our hearts and lives. We need to always remember that our loving God created us to live with joy and he wants us to take the time to savor and enjoy all of his wonderful creations.

In the busyness of life, the mundane of everyday, we need to make sure we find the time to nurture this precious relationship with our Father above. It is important to slow down and treasure all that we have been blessed with. We need to give God thanksgiving and praise for all that he has done in our lives and in the world around us. It is never too late to start!

How bright the light that brightens up our days!

We revel in such beauty, and give praise

To him who caused these wondrous things to be,

If we but open up our eyes to see.

The sunset comes with all its majesty

And may we in holy reverence be free

To see the darkness come, and without fear

As we lay down the things we held so dear.

And so, before the dawn we must have night

As we look forward to the wondrous sight.

By faith we go on in our trusting way,

And so we enter our eternal day.

– Eber S. Martin

Becoming Wallpaper

October 6, 2014October 7, 2014 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

Becoming a convert to the Mennonite church has taught me a new meaning for being a servant and what servanthood consists of. As an enthusiastic new member I felt the high of having encountered the Holy Spirit in an entirely new way. I was more than willing to buckle in for the ride. The people pleaser in me loved this new idea, that in serving the church, the church family, and anyone that came into my path was a way to serve God, while igniting the Catholic remnants in me that believed that I needed to earn graces and my place in heaven. No opportunity to serve was too big or too small and the word “no” disappeared from my vocabulary.

It started with a small ministry of love. Taking a very dear gentleman to church for the last couple of years of his life. I felt great joy and privilege in doing this, and felt incredibly blessed by the church family I gained.

The combination of an energetic new pastor with an exciting vision for revitalizing worship and my desire for people to like me proved to much for me to resist and I became an overachieving servant in our small congregation. Committees, special events, babysitting, pet sitting, programs, delegations, party helping, I said yes to everything and the compliments and attention came rolling in. I felt like I was making a difference and fulfilling a call. My gifts for organization were truly put to the test as I quickly became the go-to girl. I had to be racking up some major grace points with the man upstairs, and I just knew that he was going to lead me to a better place in my life.

Life became a little more full, but no real changes in my circumstances occurred, but I was convinced I just needed to keep being a faithful servant with boundless energy. Continue taking on new ministries, continue seeking new calls. I wanted great things, so God probably was expecting great things from me. It seemed little things were starting to improve in my professional life, and I gave all the credit and glory to my heavenly father.

Then change happened. Our congregation said good-bye to the pastor and his family and wished them well in their new calling and we prepared to receive another pastor with new visions for worship of his own. Now I am finding that I am a relic of the old vision that can’t quite seem to find my place in the new vision.

Additionally I have been such a normal part of worship services and events that I have started to blend in with the wallpaper. Since wallpaper blends in the people pleaser in me isn’t feeling quite as joyful. The good news is I understand this is a fault I possess that I need to pray on and keep conscious of. I am slowly become more choosy about what new tasks I take on or what projects I become involved in. I am pursuing new things in this writing arena, which is causing me to stop and listen, and reflect on myself, my feelings, and the road that I am on. I am evaluating my commitments at church and at work.

All this reflection has me realizing that I am a worship leading hypocrite. I am telling people to trust in a God who loves them and blesses them, but at the same time I am angry and doubting him. Angry because I am still living in the same small space that I hate, trying to get ahead in a world that has sky rocketing costs for food and fuel with pay increases that don’t even begin to keep up. Angry because I feel stuck in a job, but feel unable to move on because I lack the piece of paper from a college or university that says I understand my job, despite my years of experience and the fact that I have way too much student loan debt that I have no idea how I am ever going to repay it all. Angry because I just can’t seem to get to the place financially where it is possible for us to get a cozy little house of our own.

In the midst of all of this anger it dawns on me that I am using all of these serving opportunities as bargaining chips with God. Since I am doing this for your flock, can you make that happen for me? I am overwhelming myself with commitments, that has to count for something right?

Wrong.

God never promised me that he would trade with me. He did promise he would love me unconditionally and that he will never forsake me and that he will help me with my human fralities if I ask him to. He also has great plans for me, and he is taking care of me. I just need to stop and take the time to reflect on my blessings:

I have a husband who loves me, and has managed to survive my craziness for almost two decades
I have a healthy son who is incredibly creative, loving, and funny
We have a roof over our heads that keeps us warm and dry, even if it isn’t the type of roof I want
My husband and I are both employed
We have reliable vehicles to get us to and from those jobs
There is plenty of food in our cupboards for me to use to cook my family nutritious meals
Many people love and support me as I strike out on new paths and encourage me on the paths I am still traveling
He is providing me with the tools I need to sort out what ministries I will be continuing on with and which ones it is time for me to let go of

I am still struggling with identifying what I need to give up in ministry and what new roads I need to go down, but I have faith that he will see me through these dark periods of frustration and that I will come out alright in the end. After all, if God is for me, who can be against me (Romans 8:31)?

Blind Trust

October 2, 2014January 13, 2016 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

Feelings of pity and empathy engulfed me as I listened to their story. My heart filled with an overwhelming aching sadness. Before I knew it, tears began filling my eyes, building up until my eyelids reached their full capacity and the tears spilled over and began flowing down my cheeks. As I was driving down the highway. On my way home from work after a long busy day. Listening to the radio. Crying because the fictitious wife in the song blaring out of my speakers had found out she had cancer and her husband is promising to be there for her.

Has anything like this ever happened to you or am I alone in my insanity? Is this the effects of having an over active imagination that can visualize the scenes in the song like they are actually happening and playing out in real life? Or is it a ghost compassion because logically the couple in the song doesn’t exist? Then I justify this in my head, asking myself how many real, live, human couples have had to walk down this long, winding road through a valley? What does this say about me mentally that I am having an emotional outpouring driving down the road?

I hope this means that I am a human being that can feel sympathy and compassion for the human race. Is there something more to this outburst though, lurking in the background? Am I really feeling sorry for myself and wishing for someone to promise to walk down my hard road with me? Anything is possible.

Luckily for me, there is someone who promised me a long time ago, at the moment of my conception in fact, that he would be with me always and would never abandon me. He reaches down from the heavens to hold my hand and guide me, if I would just stop and listen to where he is leading me to.

A few months ago while spending a weekend away with our youth group we ended up on a ropes course designed to help build bonds of trust. The final exercise that afternoon was for the group to pair off, place a blindfold on one of the partners in each group of two, and have the other person give the blindfolded person directions for walking safely forward. Did I mention we were in a mountainous, woody area? We had to rely solely on the verbal instructions coming from our partners and trust that they would protect us from harm and help us to safely arrive at our destination. Half way down the partners switched places. Everyone got to experience the helplessness of needing someone to guide them. Blind trust in action.

Why is it that I didn’t hesitate about putting on a physical blindfold and allowing another human being to direct and guide me down a winding hill path littered with rocks and sticks, but so often I just can’t seem to give this same blind trust to my maker? Most likely because I am stubborn and want to buy into the human concept that I am strong enough to do everything on my own.

Some days I feel like an incredible hypocrite. I know that God has placed callings on my life, and I try to follow them, but I am really making those the priorities in my life? Or am I trying to dictate the outcomes I want in my life.?

When God says, ” My child, I want you to write,” my response is, “Sure thing God, just as soon as I feel comfortable letting go of these other areas I am currently working in to serve you and your children,” when it should probably be “Here I am Lord, lead me and I will follow.”

At the end of the day it all comes down to I need to let go and trust God more. He will provide me with all the tools I need. I need to trust that the Lord will open the right doors for me at the perfect times according to his plans and timeframe, not mine.

So perhaps I wasn’t really crying for pretend people after all, but for myself as I became overwhelmed by his holy presence filling my car. God was talking to me through the music in the car telling me to stop my endless worrying and finally let him truly take over and lead me on my journey. Promising me he knows the way and He will take me all the way to journey’s end. Time to put on that blindfold and follow him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own insight.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6