For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1, NSRV
Voices of the past are echoing through my head this beautiful fall afternoon. There is something about the crispness in the air at this time of year that makes my thoughts turn nostalgic and a little melancholy at the same time. When I feel this way I always wonder if I am secretly an introvert pretending to be an extrovert. Regardless, a reflective mood is upon me.
Life hasn’t taken me where I thought it would. Then again, does life truly ever turn out the way we think it will? My current reality looks very different from my childhood dreams and visions. By default I am not implying that my life is bad in anyway, but it definitely doesn’t resemble the dreams of being a stay at home mom of two or three that drives a mini van and goes on play dates at the library with a lifelong best friend. Not bad, just different.
Along the way I have made choices that set this path before me. Other times choices were made for me based on the needs of my family. One of the things that I don’t think I did enough of earlier in my life was pray to the Father about where he wanted me to go. I didn’t ask what choices he wanted me to make. Have you ever wondered if God regrets the whole humans have free will thing?
The faces of dearly loved ones who have now departed from this life also fill my mind on these first days of Autumn. The years that have passed since losing them slip away but the ache of missing them still runs deep. It seems like they were just here yesterday and doesn’t seem possible that is has been years since I last talked with them. The wisdom they shared with me lives on in my memories.
The faces of dear friends that are kindred spirits also come to mind as I am in this melancholy reverie of sorts. I treasure the memories of deep conversations on religion and also fun times of fellowship with these wonderful guys and girls that were here in my life for a season but have since moved on to the next stops in their journeys. Perhaps I am feeling that loss so keenly right now because I am discovering so much in my Fellows readings that I am just bursting to have discussions about.
But all of those choices and people have brought me to the place I am today. So I am very grateful for every choice, every voice, and every face that I now miss. Each choice and each person in their own way shaped me into the person that I am becoming today. There have been moments of extreme laughter as well as times of excruciating pain, but every experience has had a hand in shaping me into who I have become. So while I sometimes wonder what life would be like if different choices had been made along the way, I am incredibly grateful for all of the blessings I have received in this mixed up crazy existence of mine.
This latest path in my journey may just be the start of the next big chapter. Who knows what wonders and experiences the path holds for me, but I am secure in the knowledge that I am no longer alone in my travels. With God as my travel guide the skies are the limits. My future could look very different indeed from my present. Perhaps there is an occupational change around the bend. I don’t know where this new adventure in learning is taking me, and that is okay, because I have the heavenly travel guide laying out my path and I can’t wait to see where it goes.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Psalm 138:8, NSRV