Advent – Looking for Light

It seems very fitting that this morning we are waking up to rain.  Rain that is leaving the morning grey and dark.

Today marks the beginning of the Season of Advent.  The season of darkness and light, of prayer and reflection.  The season of hope and redemption.

A reminder from God that no matter what darkess we face, he will always return us to the light.

Advent isn’t a celebration.  Rather it is a journey much like life.  It is a pause from the busyness of life to reflect and take stock of where we are at spiritually and emotionally.  It is being attentive and watching and waiting on God and this wondrous mystery of redemption.  God’s promise fulfulled.

Advent gives us a space for acknowleging our disappointments, failures, and hurts.  It gives us space for grief and lament with the promise of hope.  It gives us space to refresh and recharge our relationships with ourselves, those around us, and most importantly, with God.

Advent allows us to be vulnerable with ourselves and each other.

It is as if the heavenly Father is saying to each of us, “Come, tell me all about it.  Let me help you.  I love you.”  An ever present help in our struggles:

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
-Isaiah 43:1-3 (NRSV)

Two years ago I marked the start of advent with this post with my reflections on the grief and darkness I was feeling at that time.   This year I find that I am again entering into the season of advent with grief, but of a different nature.  This is grief for my sense of self and self worth that I have realized was lost over the years.  I am trying to find that girl again, and be the woman God created me to be.

Maybe there is something in turning 40 (which I did last year) that makes you stop and reflect on where you are and where you have been and wonder where you are going next.  A kind of life Advent season.  What were my dreams then?  What are they now?  And the realization that regardless of dreams, life just happens.


And isn’t this exactly what happened to Mary, the mother of Jesus, but on a far greater scale?

Mary was a normal teenager.  She was engaged to be married to a fine upstanding man of the community.  Did she dream about the life she would lead with him?  How many babies they would have?  How she would decorate their home?

I am sure that in her plans and dreams she never imagined that she would be pregnant out of wedlock or fleeing for her life with her baby for safety in Egypt.  Nor would she have ever imagined seeing her son disown his family (Mark 3:31-35) making the family Passover celebrations ackward going forward.    But then again, as an unwed mother, Mary herself probably made family celebrations a little ackward for a while.

And even though she lived under the oppressive rule of the Romans, she would never have thought her son would be one of the ones who would be hung from a cross and that she would be standing there in shock watching, greiving, and lamenting for her son.

But Mary was faithful and when the Angel Gabriel asked her if she would be the mother of God, she willingly said yes.  She willingly abandoned her dreams of what she thought her life would be and became the willing servant of God.  By being a faithful light in the darkness of ancient Palestine, Mary brought THE LIGHT into the world.


Many of us are lost, but we are not alone in the darkness. 

We are seeking, and we will be found if we want to be.  Work through the pain and grief.  Lament for the losses you have experienced.  And remember that no matter the darkess, the light always comes.  Have faith and know that you are God’s beloved.

Whether you are a lone soul full of faith or looking for a faith community or are part of a faith community, let us all be light together this Advent season.  Let this light shine out into the darkess of the world around us.

Whether this year finds you grieving or rejoicing or somewhere in between, this space of Advent is for you.

Arise, your light has come!

Arise, shine; for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.
For darkness shall cover the earth,
    and thick darkness the peoples;
but the Lord will arise upon you,
    and his glory will appear over you.
Nations shall come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
-Isaiah 60:1-3 (NRSV)

O come, o come Emanual

Click here to listen to O Come, O Come Emanual by Selah


Advent – Looking for Hope

Have you ever found yourself facing down the start of December with absolutely no spark of Christmas cheer?  That is where  I am finding myself at this year.  Advent has started today, and my Advent wreath has no candles in it.

Normally I look forward with great expectations for the coming start of the Christmas season and to going through the meditative Advent activities with my family.  I like to see us each being attentive and watching and waiting for the coming of the baby on Christmas morning.

This year, however, I just can’t seem to muster up a festive spirit.  I have a grieving and sad spirit.  The days are turning colder and the hours of darkness after the sun sets have been getting longer.  That is perfectly fine with me.  It matches the mourning and darkness in my soul.

In normal years, when the fall arrives I begin to get excited for the changing of the seasons, taking in the breathtaking beauty of God’s handy work as he changes the colors of the leaves to glorious autumn colors.  November comes in and brings with it one of my favorite holidays – Thanksgiving.

But this year, while I am still thankful for all I have been blessed with in this life, November itself has become a somber month filled with anniversaries of the passing of loved ones.

This November marked the fifteenth year since my beloved brother left us.  We celebrate his life and are grateful for the memories we have of him.  His passing marked the end of his lifelong struggle with a debilitating disease and we are comforted by the thoughts of him walking, running, and jumping with glee in glory – things that he could no longer do on this earth.   So all of these years there has at least been joy in the sorrow.  Happy rejoicing that Mike is free from the shackles that bound him here.

This November marked the first year anniversary since my beloved cousin was violently killed and taken from us.  One year ago my entire family was in shock and reeling from the unexpected and sudden loss of him.  While we are still all deeply saddened by this senseless loss of life, justice has been served and his killers are sentenced to jail for a very long time unable to hurt any other people and families.

This November has also brought with it another loss for me and my immediate family.  The sudden illness that lead to one of our beloved beagle dogs crossing the Rainbow Bridge on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  I am afraid that this latest loss for me has left me with a gaping hole in my heart.  It is never easy to lose a pet, but the unexpectedness of it all has left me feeling sad and lonely, even in the midst of people who care about me very much.

So I decided yesterday to force myself to go through the motions and began pulling out the storage totes with Christmas decorations.  We started decking the halls, so to speak, but when I came to the advent wreath, I must confess that I tucked it away back in the box it came out of.  I just couldn’t bring myself to go through the motions of watching and waiting for joy and peace when my heart hasn’t been feeling either of those things.

Then today at church, our pastor reminded me during his message that the Israelites had their entire world uprooted and transplanted.  They had been removed from the promised land and found themselves trying to make sense of it all as they attempted to pick up the pieces in Babylon.  The favored, chosen children of God had been abandoned by him.

They were feeling lost, lonely and alone.  Mourning and sadness filled their days.  And yet, the Lord God has not abandoned them.  He still has a plan of redemption for them.  He promises them a hope and a future.

So perhaps this year I am more uniquely suited to come into the celebration of the Advent season than in any year prior to this.  I am feeling the loss and loneliness that the ancient Israelites felt.  I am the one mourning, seeking to make sense of the losses that are heavy on my heart.  And just like those ancient children of God, I too can find hope and joy again.


The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
    because the Lord has anointed me;
he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed,
    to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
    and release to the prisoners;
 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
    and the day of vengeance of our God;
    to comfort all who mourn;
(Isaiah 61:1-2, NRSV)


The advent wreath is back up out of the box.  It is still empty, like I am feeling, but I have lit another candle next to it.  A spark of hope during a season of the dark night of the soul for me.  A spark of flame that tells me even in the midst of my sadness and pain, my God is still here with me waiting patiently for me to turn to him for comfort.



This world is full of lots of things.  Pain, sadness, and suffering, but also kindness, mercy, and gladness.  Most importantly, this world is filled with Love.  God’s love.  God’s love for us.

We are waiting for a baby to be born in a manger, but it is because of this baby that we have a hope for a future.  One in the Father’s kingdom where there is no pain, sadness, or suffering.

Love came down at Christmas, so the old carol goes.

God is with us.

O come, o come Emmanuel

Click here to listen to O come, O Come Emmanuel by Sovereign Grace