WISDOM WANDERINGS

Finding God in the Every Day

July 6, 2015April 15, 2016 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. (Hebrews 13:2, NRSV)

We have all heard at one time or another the passage in Hebrews that tells us to be kind to strangers because you just never know when you may be talking to an angel. Isn’t that an awesome thought? For anyone that knows me, one thought like that leads to another…

So of course the direction that my mind takes off in is to idealize what a perfect meal (because of course hospitality includes good food!) would be like. I envision starting off the meal with an herbed tomato salad made with dainty, vibrant heirloom tomatoes. The main course should include angel chicken sitting on a bed of angel hair pasta. Of course the only logical conclusion to this meal would be to finish off with angel food cake covered in juicy, ripe strawberries and swirls of fluffy, whipped cream.

The conversation around the perfectly set dining room table is deep and meaningful. We cover important topics like relieving poverty, providing safe food and clean drinking water to all, and how to achieve world peace.

However, I don’t think that is quite what the writer of Hebrews was trying to convey in this verse.

Entertaining is stressful and messy.

Life is stressful and messy.

Last week I attended the MC USA biennial convention in Kansas City, Missouri as one of the youth sponsors with our MYF group. We connected with old friends, became better acquainted with familiar faces, learned new things in seminars, and came together to worship and praise our God during daily worship services.

Our time was filled with endless opportunities to know and hear God’s voice. We rose early to gain new insights or fresher understandings of things we already knew at the multiple seminars that were available. We were servants together in city-wide service projects. The fellowship and opportunities to be community together were plentiful. The nights ran late with worship services and were followed by more recreation time together. A fellow convention attendee said at the end of the week they were physically exhausted but spiritually filled.

The Emmaus Road in Luke 24 was the scripture focus. Some very gifted musicians, teachers, and preachers helped us to unpack this scripture through a series of dramas, songs, and sermon messages. We came away with the understanding that even though we may not see him, Jesus is always walking with us. Even in the bad times in our lives he is there, using the situation as part of the process, and ultimately there is a purpose in all that is happening that he can use to help teach us and mold us into something new and better. This is a very brief synopsis of the messages last week, and doesn’t even begin to convey the talent of the gifted people who facilitated all of the worship services.

As the week came to a close, Kim Litwiller, Associate Conference Minister for the Illinois Mennonite Conference, opened the worship service on Saturday night, just as she had done for all of the youth worship services throughout the week. She told us how sad she was to see the week close, but rather than asking us what we were taking away from our time together, Kim asked us, “Where did you see God this week?”

Where did you see God this week?

The question took me by surprise. All week I had been looking for what God wanted to do with me, but I don’t know that I was looking for him around me. My eyes were apparantly blinded.

Which made me start thinking.

Are we so busy looking for angels that appear in rays of glowing heavenly light among us that we miss the angelic moments brought to us by humanity? Do television shows and movies now have us conditioned to be looking for the extraordinary rather than paying attention to the everyday ordinary occurences and people?

What if while you are following the advice of the writer of Hebrews and showing hospitality, just in case it is an angel, you yourself are being used by God to be someone else’s angel?

During that last opening message, Kim used an illustration of where she had seen God during the convention. She told a story about a moment in her week to the 2000+ people (youth and sponsors) gathered, that she said could have been quite embarrassing for her. She had just come back to the hotel after her morning run and stopped in the lobby to get a cup of coffee. She had a flavor shot put into the cup and turned to walk to the coffee dispensers when she accidentally dropped the cup. The sticky liquid in the cup spilled on the floor and the bottom of the counter. A woman standing close by very quickly came to Kim’s aid and helped her to get it cleaned up and on her way again. In that woman, at that moment in time, Kim saw God working.

Are we paying attention to how God is using those around us for his purposes?

Are we aware as we are helping others that God is using us for his purposes?

How often do others see God through the random acts of kindness we are offering to others?

Perhaps the writer of Hebrews should have instructed us to act as angels to others by showing hospitality, empathy, and compassion rather than to watch for one of them. By helping others through good deeds and servant acts when they are in need, God is using us to help spread the light in his Kindgom.

For the most part, we will probably never know how our acts of kindness have uplifted or encouraged others. Every now and again God does allow us to see the good we did with just a random act of kindness though. In the most unlikely of ways.

The woman at the hotel coffee counter that quickly came to help that morning was me. Never in a million years did I image that simple act would be remembered or have any kind of impact.

We, the children of God in his kingdom on earth, are the hands and feet of Jesus. Let’s use those hands and feet to spread his love by showing his love through acts of kindness in a dark and cruel world. Let’s take turns carrying each others crosses and bearing each other’s burdens.

Each one helps the other, saying to one another, “Take courage!” The artisan encourages the goldsmith, and the one who smooths with the hammer encourages the one who strikes the anvil, saying of the soldering, “It is good”; and they fasten it with nails so that it cannot be moved. (Isaiah 41:5-7, NSRV)

Finding Narnia

June 9, 2015January 13, 2016 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

Never before had I felt so nervous. I have stood at the front of our sanctuary countless times before, but this time it was different. I was not there to lead worship or hymns, it was not the start of a night at vacation bible school. It was after the offering prayer on that particular Sunday morning, and the regular announcements were done. The only thing left for me to do before turning the service back over to Pastor for the benediction was to make an announcement that was very personal to me…

Level Setting:

For the past several months I have been struggling to discern what God is calling me to do. I had spent many hours in prayer, sought the counsel of prayerful people, started a blog, but still couldn’t quite figure out what that little, quiet voice was trying to say to my soul. Until we had a guest speaker in our pulpit.

The visitor was from the C.S. Lewis Institute and his goal that morning was to introduce our congregation to his local office in Youngstown. He talked about what the Institute was and the need for discipleship. He was a very interesting speaker and passionate about his topic! I couldn’t believe we had such a great place in such close proximity to us.

Then he mentioned that the Institute also offered a fellows program. Intrigued by the few comments he had made about the Fellows program I wanted to know more and stopped by the information table that was set up. The very lovely wife of our guest speaker provided me with a wealth of information about this program.

The Fellows program is a year-long structure for people who want to learn more about discipleship and apologetics. It involves a monthly time commitment, extensive reading, meeting regularly with a small group, and one on one time with a mentor each month. It sounded a little overwhelming, but I put my name and email on a list of people who would like to receive more information, but I wasn’t convinced this was for me. I went home inundated with new thoughts and questions.

Then the small voices shouted, “This is it! Seize it!”

All at once I realized that this could be the answer to all of my prayers, and began to talk about it in earnest with my husband. He agreed that it did seem like the kind of program I would love, and he encouraged me to continue to pray about it. It did indeed seem that this was all part of what the Spirit has been nudging me to do.

The application process was intimidating to say the least! It started with a six page application that required essay type answers to questions about where I was in my spiritual life, how often I read my bible, what the quality of my prayer life was like, and what kind of spiritual gifts was I given?

In addition to the application I completed, I had to find two people to complete recommendations for me. One had to be from the Pastor and the other from a person that has known me for a while and can attest to where I am currently at in my journey.

After all of the paperwork was in, I continued to pray as I waited for a response. It came in the form of an interview request, and on a bright sunny afternoon in April I entered the offices of the C.S. Lewis Institute in Youngstown for what turned out to be a half hour interview.

Then the wait began in earnest.

A week passed.

Then another.

Followed by a third.

I was started to doubt that I had received the correct message from the Spirit. Each day I eagerly stopped at the end of our driveway to check the mailbox. For anyone that knows us well, they know that we rarely check our mailbox on a regular basis because all of our bills and expenses come electronically. So the box is normally overflowing with flyers and junk mail before we get it. But for three long weeks I was a faithful attendant to the poor little mailbox at the end of our driveway that is missing its little door.

Finally a letter arrived, and it was good news!

Such an awesome feeling to see how the hand of Providence moves! All the things that I have been seeking will be tackled in this coming year. So many expectations are building of what the coming year holds in store during this journey.

First and foremost is a better understanding of what I believe and why that will lead to a deeper, more meaningful faith. One that will sustain me better in the storms of life and will draw me closer to my Maker.

My hope is that this program will help me overcome my “yes” person ways, allowing me to become more focused and intentional in everything that I do. For the past few years I have been a Martha, scurrying to do every task that comes my way. Now the time has come for me to be Mary, and sit at the feet of the great Teacher and learn his ways.

All of these things combined will help me to be better able to disciple and relate to those around me. It will give me the confidence to lead our youth in Sunday school knowing that I can help them find their way. The knowledge on theology and apologetics will also be greatly beneficial in my role as a worship leader.

The writer in me is eager for so many new experiences. Perhaps this will be just the ticket to help me identify what my gifts are and how best to use them!

Back to my nerves at the front of the sanctuary:

On a warm morning at the end of May, with great trepidation I began to share the big news. I had never before shared anything that related directly to me before my church family. However that morning the story above came spilling out. The support and love coming back from them is beyond fantastic.

Orientation for the 2015-2016 Fellows program is just a few short weeks away. I can’t wait to dive in head first! Some of my books have begun to arrive and the required reading has begun! Looking forward to the adventures Yahweh has in store!

Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” (Matthew 7:7, NRSV)

Diary of a Fat Lady: The Battle of the Bulge Journals Begin

May 13, 2015February 3, 2017 Shannon Martin3 Comments

So I am a little chubby. Okay, in reality I am a plus-sized nugget of chubby. Have been that way my entire life. I spend hours obsessing over my appearance and how large I have become and planning in my mind just how exactly I am going to fix that.

And just as soon as I resolve that I am going to eat nothing but salads, a coworker comes around with a box of donuts and all of my resolve flies out the windows that don’t even open…

This has truly been a life-long struggle for me. Year after year I vow to slim down, but instead watch a few pounds come off then watch more pounds creep up and on. I have been losing and regaining the same 20 pounds for the last five years at least.

Many helpful people over the years have tried to encourage me to slim down. I have seen the looks of pity from friends when they are telling me that I am a beautiful person at any size, and the looks of revulsion from people when I am out and about. I have been the girl walking in the mall that the kids walk past and make rude comments to. I have also been the girl who uses self-deprecating humor trying to move attention away from the weight.

If I could only stop feeling so incredibly self-conscious trying to squeeze into seats and behind chairs in dining rooms and conference rooms! Even just walking down our hallway at home can be a tight squeeze if a dog or a gnat is trying to go up the hallway at the same time. Going out in public can be difficult and humiliating at the best of times as facilities continue to shrink the sizes of seats to try pack in more people at one time.

Any sane, healthy person reading this is probably already shaking their head and thinking to themselves that if I put as much energy into trying to loss the weight as I did into writing this, then I would be slim in no time. That is exactly why I am writing this incredibly vulnerable piece about myself and my struggles. I wish it were that easy to lose the weight.

In no way am I going to attempt to make excuses for myself, but I don’t think that my love of pizza and ice cream is greater than that of any other sane human being. I truly do try to watch very closely what I eat. At home we don’t fry anything EVER. I have swapped out baked french fries for baked potatoes, and we have a vegetable and lean-ish or lean meat just about every night of the week. I drink sugar-free drinks or water. Yet the number on the scale continues to climb. It feels like more often than not I am watching what I eat just to maintain my current weight.

If I could only retrain my thought process from a diet mentality to a healthy choices life choices mentality! You name it, and I have tried it. The Diabetic Exchange diet, Weight Watchers points (both online and at meetings), the Mayo Clinic diet, Spark People, Richard Simmons.com, the Dash diet, and then of course the good old-fashioned, count all of the calories you are putting in your mouth diet. My next attempt, will be the South Beach Diet based on the to advice of my OB-GYN doctor. That is if I can find the time to read the book to learn all of the ins and outs of this eating plan.

Another recurring thought that crosses my mind is I need to find better motivations to move more. Over the years I have joined, and then eventually quit, Curves, The Salem Community Center, and Planet Fitness. At different times I have been a regular walker, a sporadic walker, and an every now and again walker. Once upon a time I actually dragged myself out of bed an hour earlier on a regular basis to do a Richard Simmon’s exercise video.

The very real reality is that even if I could muster up the motivation, I don’t know where I can find the time to incorporate a routine exercise schedule. The number one reason why all of the above things fell to the wayside is the lack of time to actually go and utilize those wonderful facilities.

I have been told many times that if it were a priority to me, then I would find the time. Valid point. However, contrary to the thoughts of a very rude doctor I visited once, I don’t spend a lot of time on the couch eating Twinkies. There is very little down time in my days.

Like a lot of the women in my generation, I am a full-time mom with a full-time job outside of my home. Not because I value a career over family, but because it takes both my husband and me working full-time to make ends just barely meet. What that looks like is I spend 45+ hours actually on the job, and another 10 hours commuting each week.

That doesn’t leave a whole lot of free time. By the time I get home, cook dinner for the family, clean up from dinner, and help Max with his homework the evening is pretty well gone. Weekends are spent doing the rest of the household cleaning, running errands, and church activities.

With all of that being written, my climbing weight really is a very big problem for me. I am not alone in this struggle I know. With renewed determination and prayer, this year will be THE year.

Not the year that I lose weight by dieting and exercise, but the year that I learn to love myself as I am, and then learn how to take better care of me. My self-hatred and self loathing are probably the two biggest reasons that I have remained trapped in this bitter battle with yo-yo dieting and weight loss. It is a never-ending, frustrating cycle of negativity.

God loves me exactly as I am. I am enough. I am GOOD enough. And I deserve to cut myself some slack and show my body the same grace that God has shown me in my failings. Focusing on the person I am meant to be on the inside and the outside. I have finally realized that if I am going to be able to love all of great creation, I must first be able to love myself in all of my own successes and failures.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26, NRSV)

And I am inviting you all to come along with me. Your prayers and encouragement are welcome! Every so often I will give a progress report on some more of the struggles and successes that I encounter on this path.

Are you ready to abandon your own self loathing and embrace the you that God has created? The person that he sees and loves?

For it was you who formed my inward parts: you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. (Psalm 139: 13-15, NRSV)

A Mind In Disarray

May 7, 2015January 13, 2016 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

It has been awhile since this has happened, but tonight I find that I am unable to sleep. I should be passed out in dreamland, but I find myself sitting on the couch at 1:30 am in the morning with a rerun episode of NCIS playing in the background.

The past two days I have been suffering through the usual bout of spring allergy related sinus drainage issues. My doctor has told me that I am chronically allergic to Ohio. So you would think that I would have no trouble achieving a sleeping state.

But I can’t turn my thoughts off and they are going 100 miles per hour.

As I laid in the darkness trying to recover my sleeping state, the frustrations I have been experiencing at work kept playing through my head.

The frustrations are nothing new. A feeling that I am stuck where I am are now is amplified as we are in the process of buying a home. My lack of an actual degree makes me feel that my options are limited for moving on from where I am because we definitely can’t afford for my salary to go backwards at this point. Coupled with the need to replace staff members that have found better opportunities and are moving on, and there is a lot on the work front to weigh down my thoughts.

So in an attempt to quiet my mind I turned to the Lord in prayer.

I asked him to walk with me and lead me as I navigate the stormy waters. And to bring us the right candidates in the interviews that are scheduled over the next few days. And to take me by the hand and guide me to whatever he has in store for me in the future because I just don’t feel that I have arrived at the place he has intended for me yet.

You see, when I went down this career road, I never asked God what his opinion on my choice was. So while I do a good job at what I do, is this really the purpose He intended for me?

However, while I didn’t ask for his guidance then, He won’t abandon me now. After shaking his almighty head at my human folly, he rolled up his sleeves to see how he can use my errant choices to prepare me for what is in store down the road.

These feelings have been intensified in me for the last couple of years. He has been giving me nudges that I have been trying to pursue, so I know that he has exciting plans for me.

So back to my current insomniac condition.

After praying fervently to God, and asking him to give me some guidance or signs that I couldn’t possibly miss, I finally gave up on trying to sleep and made my way out to the couch, the repeat episode, and Facebook.

I have read about people who have prayed for clear answers from God and that in his mercy God has given them undeniably clear signs or answers. While I can see many answered prayers in my life, I can’t say that I have ever felt as if I was receiving clear messages from above.

Until tonight.

After turning on the tv, I immediately fired up the laptop to check in on Facebook, because I was certain that in the time between fitfully going to sleep at 10:00 p.m. and ending up back out on the couch at 1:00 a.m. I had missed something of vital importance on the cosmic social scene. Turns out God uses social media too.

In relatively short order I saw three things that could only have been encouragement from heaven. The first was a post from the Zig Ziglar page:

This post was quickly followed by a Stephen King quote posted by The Writers Circle:

And to finish up these thoughts, a friend shared this picture from The Old Schoolhouse Magazine:

Perhaps it is a little far-fetched that God is using social media to encourage me. It is entirely possible that I am reading too much into simple pictures randomly posted on Facebook. However I am choosing to believe that random posts can be messages from above in direct response to my fitful prayers brought on during moments of sleeplessness.

I serve a loving God who cares about me. He cares about each and every one of his children. Nothing is too vast or great for him. He is the Almighty God that created the universe and you and me. And he cares.

He may not have given me specific directions for how to fix my work situation, but He is with me. I don’t know what God has planned for me down the road, but I do know that He will lead me to the doors that He will be holding open specifically for me.

God has an ultimate plan for my life, and he is holding me in the palm of his hand.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” (Lamentations 3:22-24, NRSV)

Change Is In The Air

April 29, 2015January 13, 2016 Shannon MartinLeave a comment

My Dear Reader Friends,

I am humble enough to know that no one other than myself realizes that I haven’t posted anything the entire month of April, however, please accept my apologies for the apparent slacking off on my part. I am beyond excited to share with you some exciting things that have been going on in our lives that have been preventing me from spending time writing blog posts. 🙂

With the changing seasons, I find new and unexpected changes are springing forth for my little family. We are in the negotiation process with lawyer and bank to finally purchase a home of our very own. Hallelujah! Good is God and he has showered us with many things to be thankful for already, but we can definitely feel his hand at work in all of this.

Another big announcement is that I recently discovered that there is an office for the C.S. Lewis Institute located nearby. They offer a Fellows program that is one year-long commitment and focuses on apologetics and discipleship. I have been busy applying to be part of this. Any prayers would be appreciated as I await the decision of whether they will accept me into the program or not.

Fear not, dear readers! I have not disappeared or fallen off the face of the earth. Nor have I become discouraged and given up the idea of writing. As the awesome plans above come together things will begin to be posted on a more regular basis.

Some ideas I have been working on for upcoming posts include:

my calling and how the C.S. Lewis Institute may be an answer to prayers
being an only child in a blended family with siblings
the heavenly unfolding of how we found a house
a piece on worship inspired by the hymn Gather Us In
a piece with the working title of “Couseling Sessions” – it hasn’t quite decided how it wants to come together yet, but includes some thoughts on the book of Job, as well as thoughts on not suffering in silence, especially when the storms of life are raging

Only time will tell how all of these events will play out, but I have no doubt at all that God is taking me and my family exactly where he wants us to be. We are listening to his call and ready to go at his command.

Blessings and Shalom!

The Midway Menno Pixie

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord. They shall be like a tree planted by the water, sending out its roots by the stream. It shall not fear when heat comes, and its leaves shall stay green; in the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit. (Jeremiah 17: 7-9, NRSV)