Glimmers of Light and Looking Towards Eternity

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The twists and turns of our paths are a mystery.  We come around bends never knowing what we will find there.  Sometimes we find good freshly paved road and have a smooth journey during that stretch.  Other times we suddenly find ourselves on bumpy uphill roads filled with pot holes and decaying black top that can slow us down and trip us up and sometimes break us down completely.

A couple who know this truth all to well are Gerard and Jeannie Long.  In an eight year period they lost two of their three children – one to suicide and the other through a tragic accident.  Today I was blessed to attend a seminar presented by them at the C.S. Lewis Institute of North East Ohio and got to spend some time with them journeying through their Valley of Baca with them.

Some of my take aways from Gerard and Jeannie in today’s sessions were:

  • even in the darkest of places in the lowest valleys there are glimmers of light
  • God is there with us, and wants us to call out to him to help us get through what ever darkness we may enter into.
  • He will give us the grace we need to get out of bed everyday and carry on.
  • There is purpose in the pain and suffering we endure here on earth.  Even when we can’t see it, God is working to use all things for good.
  • God is okay with our questions about the why of a bad situation or event and he wants us to wrestle with him.  He wants to have a deep and intimate relationship with us.
  • we are just sojourners here in this life.
  • look towards eternity and live our life here in preparation for the next one.

To hear more about their incredible ministry or to listen to Gerard and Jeannie tell you their story, you can visit their ministry page, Awakening to God.  It is my prayer that they continue to feel the comfort and love of God surrounding them.

For myself, today has forced me to confront my own thoughts and fears.  I wonder if I could find the same strength that the Long’s have found through God if I were ever to find myself in a truly dark place.  I also wonder how these new thoughts about eternity that I soaked in today will help ease my fears of death and what comes next.

Eternity has always been a subject that leaves me feeling queasy and full of dread.  So it isn’t something I focus on.  EVER.    Which seems rather backward in retrospect considering my desire to be an obedient child of God.  So how do I reconcile being a kingdom worker and light bearer with the concept of being prepared for my heavenly role?  With every fiber of my being I want to share the good news with others and help to sow the seeds of love and grace!  I just never stopped to reflect or meditate on how God will have me use the gifts he has given me in heaven.

And there is comfort in that thought.   I don’t need to fear eternity because I serve a God who is good and gracious.  His grace will prepare us for and see us through anything in this life and the next.  All he asks from us is that we take part in his kingdom work here on earth.  Whether we are helping to shepherd his flocks or sowing or reaping the seeds of his harvest, all the work is done for his glory.  Scripture says his yoke is easy so who wouldn’t want to be employed by the King of Heaven and Earth?

In light of living with eternity as our goal, while I am here I can love hard with all my might and trust in God above.  He will always be right here beside me.  In joy and in sadness or suffering, my God is an awesome God.

This year of my fellows journey has just barely begun and already I can feel His love nudging me to step out of my comfort zone.  He is bringing me wonderful people whose words, spoken and/or written,  are pushing my boundaries and helping me to let go and grow in his strength.  It is all part of the twists, turns, and bends in my journey.  I am braced in his love for an adventurous year of learning and growth sitting at his feet like Mary and letting Martha take a rest.

Loving God, let me live each day showering those around me with love.  Let me strive for peace, both in myself and for those around me.  Let me treasure the gift of your precious Word and soak in the messages and wisdom contained in it.  Father God, raise me up to be the person you are calling me to be.  Let me always be full of thanksgiving and praise for you, Lord God, who is deserving of all of my worship and adoration.  Fill my heart with your love and let it flow through me into a dark and hurting world.  In Jesus loving name I pray. Amen

Gerard Long offered us many pieces of scripture today as he shared his heart with us.  There was one, however, that he kept coming back too.  It feels fitting to also end this piece with that same wonderful verse:

He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men:  yet they can not fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3:11

Successful Living and Legacies

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Have you ever pondered on what it looks like to have a successful life?  When we are younger we probably picture it with lots of career milestones and the accumulation of lots of expensive stuff.  As we get older, some of us start to realize that what truly matters doesn’t come with a price tag.  Memories filled with family, friendship, laughter, love — these are all things that truly matter and are all part of being successful in life.

This past week I have been reminded again just how precious the memories we make become part of the legacy that successful people leave behind them when they depart this life for the next.  Today we said our final good byes to the wonderful, caring man who filled the lives of those around him with humor and love.  I was blessed to call this man Grandpa.

Facebook has been filled with awesome, beautiful memories of Grandpa shared by my many cousins, aunts and uncles, and others.  Pictures posted like wildfire and captured the life of a man whose face radiated with joy as he was surrounded by his family.  As our family came together to celebrate his life and remember him, the stories flowed like milk and honey.  He touched so many of us and helped make us into the people we are today.

We remembered all of the times that he told us to, “leave a quarter,” if we wanted to use the bathroom  (I don’t think he was serious, but if so, I guess I ran up quite the bill over the years!).  We remembered his unique sayings and commented on how we could hear him speaking those sayings in our minds.  Tales of Easter Bunny stew and Easter Bunny traps were mentioned by more than one person, and many other stories that showed his love of life and his sense of humor.

For myself, there are two quick stories that stand out in my mind when I think back over my time with Grandpa.  The first goes way back in the day, to a long time ago when I got my very first job in high school at Taco Bell.  Forever more, when ever I saw Grandpa he would always ask me, “So are you still working for that Mexican phone company?”

The second memory that vividly  comes to life in my memory left quite an impression and is the reason why to this day I have never had the desire to get a tattoo.  Grandpa had a tattoo of an anchor on his arm that he got during his time in the Navy.  There is quite a story to go with the tattoo.  The part that made such a lasting impression on me though, was his saying that he was so tired of looking at the tattoo because what seemed okay back then wasn’t anything he cared to immortalize on his arm today.  You can’t erase a tattoo.   Please don’t take this to mean I am against tattoos.  I just haven’t had the urge to get anything tattooed because I figured he was probably right.  I would hate to be stuck with something permanently that I will be tired of seeing in twenty or thirty years.

His funeral was a private affair, only his family in attendance.  His very large, very close family.  In a day and age when the traditional family is falling to the wayside, and families live more in strife than in unity, Grandpa Jerry’s family filled the entire funeral home.  The bonds of love between his children show just how close this family is.  The jokes shared among the grandchildren a testament to a close-knit family.  This is a family that lives life together, not just a couple of times a year on the holidays, but year round.

The legacy of Grandpa Jerry and Grandma Lucille (who was known as Teedy by her family and went ahead of him to Heaven) is the wonderful family they created and the example they have been to all of us.  They have shown us how to love, how to laugh, and how to treat others.

To quote my Aunt Judy, his passing has left a large void in many hearts.  We will never meet him again in this life, but look forward to seeing him and Grandma again in eternity.

Thank you Grandpa for showing us what a life well done looks like. We will miss you.  Thank you for always making me smile.

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Seasons Changing

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For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven

Ecclesiastes 3:1, NSRV

Voices of the past are echoing through my head this beautiful fall afternoon.  There is something about the crispness in the air at this time of year that makes my thoughts turn nostalgic and a little melancholy at the same time.  When I feel this way I always wonder if I am secretly an introvert pretending to be an extrovert.  Regardless, a reflective mood is upon me.

Life hasn’t taken me where I thought it would.  Then again, does life truly ever turn out the way we think it will?  My current reality looks very different from my childhood dreams and visions.  By default I am not implying that my life is bad in anyway, but it definitely doesn’t resemble the dreams of being a stay at home mom of two or three that drives a mini van and goes on play dates at the library with a lifelong best friend.  Not bad, just different.

Along the way I have made choices that set this path before me.  Other times choices were made for me based on the needs of my family.  One of the things that I don’t think I did enough of earlier in my life was pray to the Father about where he wanted me to go. I didn’t ask what choices he wanted me to make.  Have you ever wondered if God regrets the whole humans have free will thing?

The faces of dearly loved ones who have now departed from this life also fill my mind on these first days of Autumn.  The years that have passed since losing them slip away but the ache of missing them still runs deep.  It seems like they were just here yesterday and doesn’t seem possible that is has been years since I last talked with them.  The wisdom they shared with me lives on in my memories.

The faces of dear friends that are kindred spirits also come to mind as I am in this melancholy reverie of sorts.  I treasure the memories of deep conversations on religion and also fun times of fellowship with these wonderful guys and girls that were here in my life for a season but have since moved on to the next stops in their journeys.  Perhaps I am feeling that loss so keenly right now because I am discovering so much in my Fellows readings that I am just bursting to have discussions about.

But all of those choices and people have brought me to the place I am today.  So I am very grateful for every choice, every voice, and every face that I now miss.  Each choice and each person in their own way shaped me into the person that I am becoming today.  There have been moments of extreme laughter as well as times of excruciating pain, but every experience has had a hand in shaping me into who I have become.  So while I sometimes wonder what life would be like if different choices had been made along the way, I am incredibly grateful for all of the blessings I have received in this mixed up crazy existence of mine.

This latest path in my journey may just be the start of the next big chapter.  Who knows what wonders and experiences the path holds for me, but I am secure in the knowledge that I am no longer alone in my travels.  With God as my travel guide the skies are the limits.  My future could look very different indeed from my present.  Perhaps there is an occupational change around the bend.  I don’t know where this new adventure in learning is taking me, and that is okay, because I have the heavenly travel guide laying out my path and I can’t wait to see where it goes.

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.

Psalm 138:8, NSRV

Weighty Battles

Shannon Martin1 Comment

This past weekend was an awesome weekend spent on a retreat.  It was the starting place of the next great chapter in my spiritual journey.  So much took place, my mind is still processing it all.  I will be writing more on that later after things have percolated a little bit longer.  This afternoon I need to focus on another train of thought.

What I realized this afternoon is that the evil one’s darts come quickly and his attacks can come at a moments notice.  This is not new information, or even a new revelation for me.  It did manage to creep up on me with absolutely no warning though.  My guard was down, which is never a good thing.  I was catching up on Facebook because I was offline for the most part while retreating.  And that is when I saw it.

It was a picture filled with wonderful, God seeking people.  The joy of a wonderful weekend spent together forging lasting connections is evident on each precious face.  And then BAM! The darts begin to fly.  I find myself extremely opposed.

The attack is fierce, its aim perfectly tailored for me.  I am immediately distracted from all of the good of the weekend and immediately focused on the image of myself in that picture.  He holds back no punches as his darts hammer into my brain directing my eyes to my form and whispering”look at that giant blob in the picture.”  Look at that person!  How can anyone take her thoughts seriously?  She obviously doesn’t even take herself seriously or she wouldn’t be so disgustingly obese.  She needs to find some self-respect and a lap band.  The object of these cruel and vicious thoughts is the woman in purple in the front row.  Me.

In my mortification, the evil one now begins to use me as a weapon of destruction towards myself.  I blindly start to reach out to someone, anyone, that will validate that incredibly chubby woman in that picture is not me.  Enter Maximus, bless his little heart!  I show Maximus the picture that is now evoking feelings of worthlessness and ask him, “Why am I always the biggest person in every picture?  It doesn’t make sense!  Why am I that large?  I try so hard to eat right!  Why do I always look like the only large person in every single picture?  Do you see any other bigger people? ”  Not my finest moment, I will admit.  I am trying to console myself by  trying to identify someone else so that I am not the only one lost and alone.  His response? Priceless. “Well, not as big a you….”  and then utter silence as his eyes grew very large and very round “…..I mean not as cuddly as you!”   Followed by intense giggling.

He quickly tries to make amends by saying, “it’s not funny as in haha funny, but funny as in I can’t believe I said that funny.”  Followed by five more minutes of uncontrollable laughter.  At that point I realized how quickly the evil one strikes.  I am confessing all of this freely to anyone that will take the time to read it.  In my human weakness, to cover up my own inadequacies and shame, I tried to lash out by looking for physical imperfection in others to make myself feel better.  My petty, weak thoughts a result of my own brokeness intent on tearing down another precious creation of our loving God hoping to make myself feel better.  Reverse body shaming at it’s finest.  My hypocrisy abounding.

I refuse to be used as the evil one’s number one weapon against myself anymore.  After asking God to help me, he showed me how far I have come by placing positive thoughts in my head to replace the negative ones.  So if you have stuck with me this far through my low, celebrate some of my triumphs in this battle of the bulge with me now.

Since writing my initial post about my weight struggles I have become ten pounds lighter.  That is nothing to sneeze at!   It is only the beginning of a long journey, but a weighty one.  I shed the equivalent of a large sack of potatoes or a small Thanksgiving turkey or two bags of sugar.

I am also winning the battle in my struggle with carbonated beverages.  Although still unclear on what I will drink going forward, I am proud to proclaim that it has been over a week since I have consumed a diet soda.  Water, ice tea, and coffee have been my beverages of choice.  Truth be told, I could really go for a Dr. Pepper 10 right now.

This summer marked another incredible first for me.  I participated in a 5K Color Run and finished it!!!  Along with my mother and son.  Such an awesome achievement shared with two of my greatest supporters!  God has indeed been faithful to me as he leads me in my healthier life style pursuit.

Yoga is next on my list of physical firsts to try.  Another blessing that has come out of the wonderful retreat this past weekend.  Perhaps there will even be a picture or two of that eventually.

Spiritual Warfare is real.  In moments of great spiritual awakening the army of darkness will strike to distract you from the purpose you were created for.  They do not play fair.  They will exploit any human weakness they can get at you with.  Not because they are out to get you.  They could care less about you.  The army of darkness attacks because the evil commander’s goal is to destroy our heavenly Father. We are all beloved children of God.

Continue to move forward firm in your faith.  Your Father in heaven loves you, just as he loves me.  He sees us as his perfect creations.  We are enough.  We are good.  We are flawless.  If you still have doubts of about this (okay, so maybe I am still trying to make sure I feel better about myself as a daughter of the almighty King of creation) you need look no further than the recent new release by the group MercyMe.  It says it all, flawlessly (I couldn’t resist! lol):

I can’t promise that I won’t become discouraged as I continue to move forward with my weight loss struggles.  However, I can say with the utmost confidence that my Father in heaven delights in me exactly as I am.  He is my strength, my salvation, and my shield.   When the darts of evil attack me he will protect me always.  I am safe and secure in the arms of my Savior, Christ Jesus.

Little children, you are from God, and have conquered them; for the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. – 1 John 4:4, NRSV

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Talking To Myself – Remembering Grandpa Eber

Shannon Martin1 Comment

eber and cakeAugust 29, 1918 is a day that doesn’t have a holiday marked on it.  No historical feats are rememberd on that day.  The calendar by all accounts reflects this as just another day.  Our household, however, holds that date near and dear to our hearts.  Today marks the 97th anniversary of Grandpa Eber’s birthday.

It seems like only yesterday we were sitting next to him in our family pew at Midway Mennonite Church in Columbiana, OH.  The dear gentleman attended this church almost his entire life.  The days have been quickly passing by and it doesn’t seem possible that he has been eternally home with his Lord and Savior for almost four years now.

Many things have changed in our lives since he went home.  This past month was an especially crazy one for our household filled with the busyness that comes when you move house.  This new homecoming has been especially sweet as we are just down the road from the house Grandpa Eber grew up in.  In a way, the prodigal son’s grandson has returned.  Home here just feels right knowing we are walking and driving the same roads he once knew so well.

We also cherish the memories of his hearty chuckle and the teasing twinkle he would get in his eyes.  Treasured moments we think back on and we recall many holiday meals spent in his company.  I will forever be grateful for his wise counsel that he gave on many occasions when we were riding in the car.

In reflecting upon this gentle giant of a man this evening I found among his poems a fitting piece to share with you as we honor his memory and celebrate his life story today:

Talking To Myself

You may listen in, but I’m talking to me, I marvel at all the things I see; beauty that meets the eye,  I prize, may soon be gone, I realize.

What a miracle is sight; the sunrise, and the sunset bright; and what we do between these two is surely up to me and you.

But I could shut the beauty out if I live my life with fear, and doubt.  Whatever the future I may face, may I live my life with faith and grace.

How marvelous the sounds I hear; great music that I hold so dear.  The sound of love from a friendly voice, life is so good, so I rejoice.

Is a little silent gloating allowed?  Of my family I am very proud; whatever their work, where-err their place, each one lives with style and grace.

Here I have been talking to me, I marvel at the things I hear and see; and in my life may I applaud the greatness of our loving God.

Don’t forget, I’m talking to myself, obsessed by beauty, not by wealth.  “Self” I say, “how can it be such good things are happening to me?”

-Eber S. Martin

eber birthdayA man who found great joy in the beauty of God’s creation all around him, Grandpa Eber was always filled with praise and thanksgiving.  If we could all see that same beauty that he saw in every thing and everybody, how blessed would our existence be?

Thank you Grandpa, for your constant encouragement.  Thank you for sharing your deep faith with me when mine was floundering.  We will always have you close to us in our hearts and memories, and look forward to the day when we can here you say, “Weellll then, who goes there? Is it you?  I hope it is you because it isn’t me!”, once more .