Author: Shannon Martin

During my nightly perusing of my Facebook news feed I scrolled past a quote that caught my eye.  It was from noted money advice guy Dave Ramsey, and it said, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”  Wow!  It caught my eye as the screen was scrolling by, and I had to back up to make sure I had read it correctly.   That is worth another WOW!  I couldn’t help but reflect over my life and the impressions I had of what I needed to buy in order to obtain my American Dream.   Then I realized that I had already  more or less figured this out over the last couple of years and have seen my priorities change, and my ideas of what we actually need, as opposed to what would be nice, have gone through a drastic change.

Magazines and blogs are full of articles on how to organize our stuff.   They are also full of articles on how to declutter our stuff.   It seems like a vicious cycle.  We buy the stuff, we store the stuff, we get overwhelmed by the stuff, we get rid of the stuff, then we replace the stuff with more stuff — what are we really looking for?

Are we looking for approval, possibly from a parent or some other close relative?  Hoping beyond hope that the stuff we have acquired would make them proud of us and our successes? Buying stuff to be able to show them how well we have done so that they will realize we are worthy of their  affection that we believe is otherwise lacking for us?  Trying to perhaps measure up to some imaginable standard that in reality most likely does not exist.

Are we looking for friendship, using the stuff as our “dues” to get into the group we think we most closely identify with?  Why do we doubt that the qualifications of our character, intelligence,  sense of humor, and compassionate hearts aren’t enough to get and keep friends?  Is our society really that fickle that we choose friends based on outward appearances and possessions instead of on what is on the inside?  When did the make and model of someone’s car become more important than the knowledge that said friend would come to pick us up if we ever needed to be rescued?  Let’s start a Love Revolution instead and try to top each other with acts of kindness, not brands of stuff.

Are we looking for acceptance from our peers or co-workers, perhaps our in-laws, because we are convinced we have to prove we are capable, competent and worthy of what ever position we are holding, be it office worker or wife?  Obviously SOMEONE has chosen us, hired us, married us, because they think we fit the bill exactly right.  Let’s own that!  It’s time to put away the prizes for the best stuff, which gives us more stuff that we don’t need.

Are we filling in the holes in our lives with stuff that we should be filling with a relationship with our God and creator?  I can’t answer that for you, but for me I think the answer was and IS a definite YES — human insecurity plagues us and we feel less than.  The cures we tend to choose in this broken world are the ones we find here on Planet Earth.  However, I am learning that with every step I take to deepen my own personal relationship with our God in Heaven, the less incomplete and  undeserving I find myself feeling.  Not saying the dark days don’t come to me, because boy do they ever, but I am starting to look to Heaven for the hope I need to realize that I am doing ok, and that I am worthy and enough just the way I am.

Your baby has been hurt by another person.  Your thoughts and opinions are constantly put down and ridiculed.  You are criticized instead of mentored and supported.  You put your all into a friendship only to be forgotten.  Humans can be pretty mean and vicious to each other.  Survival of the fittest and self-preservation take over and the next thing you know someone is lashing out at you to cover up their own insecurities.  At this point you have a choice to make, dig your heels in and fire back hurt at the person hurting you or let it go and forgive.

As Christians we like to think of ourselves as the forgivers of the land.  After all, Matthew 6:14-15 tells us “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”  Is it enough to forgive the transgression?  Can you withdraw from the relationship, be it business or personal, friend or family, to prevent further transgressions?  What does this forgiveness thing entail?

If only forgiving was always easy!  With small things forgiveness usually comes quickly, but when there is a lot of physical pain or mental anguish involved it is a process that must be worked through.  Emotions run high and cloud the way.  The hurt seems to fester in you until you get to the point of feeling ill just thinking about the person or you feel your heart drop out of your chest when you think you may be forced to come face to face with this person again.  Eventually we come to the conclusion that it isn’t worth the continued pain and suffering to hold the hurt in.  We decide to work through the hurt and find our way to the point where we can forgive and shed the bitterness within.

One stumbling block for me has been that I thought in order to truly forgive you have to allow the person to be a part of your life.  I no longer believe this to be true.  While you do need to find a way to forgive, it is not necessary to continue to allow the pattern of hurt to continue.  We do not have to put ourselves on the merry-go-round of hurt again and again.  Forgiveness can be extended from a distance.  We can wish the person well, and not harbor any ill will towards them, but unless they rebuild the trust that was lost, they do not need to have a place in our present.

Some hurts never heal completely.  They can leave lasting scars on our hearts, some deeper than others.  Fortunately scarred humans struggling with forgiveness seem to be a specialty for our heavenly Father.  He will put balms of grace and love on our scarred hearts and care for our wounds.  He is waiting for us to lean on him for strength and guidance.  With God, forgiveness is a place we can get to.  He is always ready to hug his hurting children and walk with them on this path.  We just have to ask him.