On My Own

Shannon Martin2 Comments

Today was a rare day in my life.  I had absolutely nowhere to go and no commitments to keep.  Which should be a good thing.  A relaxing day of well deserved rest.  Except it isn’t.  It is days like these that I realize why I over commit myself the way I do.

It is true that I am a people pleaser, but the bigger reason I get involved in so much is because I hate being alone.  Which is how I find myself often.  All alone.  So I volunteer for any and everything in the hopes of finding some company.

Now, to be honest, I haven’t been completely by myself today.  There is always the eleven year old son to keep me company.  But no adult company.  I live a pretty solitary existence.

In general I believe that I am a fairly social creature, and believe that I am a funny person.  I try to get along well with others.  Yet somehow those special friendships that I see on tv and read about and observe around me seem to elude me.

I have also observed that sometimes the company one keeps comes from within their own families.  I also seem to have missed the boat on that as well.  Not sure if it is the difference in age between myself and my siblings on my mother’s side, or my distance and separate childhood from my father’s family, but I am not finding the human connections that I am seeking with kinfolk.

In my desperation to achieve the semblence of friendships I have very often allowed myself to be used by others.  I have put up with their criticisms of everything that makes me be me and tried to change myself to conform to what they thought I should be, all in the pursuit of having some company.  Being condemned in company has to be better than condemning myself alone, right?

Scenes of cozy card games and coffee dates dance in my head.  Visions of girls nights out at the movies and book discussions prance through my mind.  However I guess that just isn’t in the cards for me.

Periods of the blues have plagued me over the years.  I wonder what it is about me that makes people stay away.  What is wrong with me?  There has to be something about me that keeps people at bay.

So I turn to prayer and motivational books trying to find my purpose in life.  I read things that tell me if I find my identity in God then I will never be alone.  Another school of thought tells me that if I can just learn to enjoy my own company I will never be alone.

Honestly?  I want to be a positive person.  I truly believe that God has a plan for each of us.  I am just not certain that he wants us to walk alone all the time.

This post seems to contain the word “I” an awful lot.  Does that mean that I am too focused on myself?  How do I shift that focus to use it for something good and glorifying to God?

I don’t know what it does or doesn’t mean, but I do know that something has to change.  To start with, I need to scale back my commitments.  My pursuit of fellowship by any means necessary is leaving me exhausted and broken.

Secondly, I am going to have to find a way to cheerfully cope with the fact that people do not seek out my company.  I need to accept the fact that the only telephone calls I receive are from the church prayer hotline, my husband, and my mother.

Thirdly, I need to improve my outlook on life.  It is never easy.  Some days the struggles and disappointments overwhelm me.  I need to learn, really truly learn, how to let go and let God handle things in those moments.  I try to fix everything that is wrong and end up crumbling under the weight of trying to constantly go it alone.

Today I am sending up prayers to my Father in heaven for his love, guidance, and protection.  Surely all of this whirling around in my head, the feelings of insecurity and of being alone, are well placed darts being hurled at me by Satan.  His aim is flawless.  He hits his mark each and every time.

Loving God, please take my hand and surround me in your love today.  Help me to release my internal struggles and pains to you.  Teach me to lean on you more and my own understanding less.  Amen.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:29-30, NRSV)

Congregational Impasse

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It is no secret that our congregations are struggling to stay alive.  Sanctuaries that once had standing room only available because the pews were filled are now barely half full.  We are hanging on by threads as it gets harder and harder to keep our lights turned on and shining in our communities.

The church is literally dying off!  For each elderly member that we lose there isn’t a younger person joining us to fill the spot left vacant.  This means we are missing fellowship and community opportunities and mentorship.

Not to mention only a handful of the able-bodied members remaining are available to help with the work needed to provide worship and other things to our church families.  The demands of jobs and families leaves little spare time for those who might otherwise volunteer their time.  As a result the same few people can consistently be seen doing the organizing and facilitating of congregational events.

We lament over these losses and have come up with a variety of reasons as to why this is happening:

  • Economics – there are no longer sustainable, good paying jobs in our areas so our children are not staying here
  • Post Christendom – society is no longer centered around the church
  • Millennials – the younger generation doesn’t seem to have time for God, if they even know who he is
  • Sociological – the breaking down of the traditional family unit

Revitalization and outreach have become our buzz words and mantras.  We are determined that our particular congregation won’t become just a faded memory or another statistic.  Our solutions for fighting our declining numbers is to revitalize our efforts of outreach to the poor souls of our community just waiting to be saved.

For myself, when I joined our current church, I was busy caring for an elderly family member during services and was content to sit back and just take in the Sunday morning service.  Eventually our situation changed when the beloved gentleman passed away.  Couple the excitement of a new pastor who had fresh, great visions for where our congregation needed to go with a congregation that was supportive of me embracing my gifts from God and I was hooked.  Before long being part of something bigger than myself had me rushing to become involved in all that was happening at our church.

Once I was able to catch the vision for the ministries I was given to participate in, there was no stopping me from jumping in head first and giving these ministries everything I had in me, my heart and soul.  Growing a new ministry or two to help the church to hopefully grow was exciting, intense, and filled with some awesome fellowship and personal growth moments.  There is something intoxicating about knowing that you are fulfilling one of God’s purposes for your life and an eagerness to continue to give him the glory for all that is happening.  I was more than happy to do my part to help with outreach and congregational revitalization because I want to ensure our church will still be here for my son to worship in and be a part of down the road.

And for a moment it seems as if maybe, just maybe all the hard work is paying off.

Until you start to see those ministries rise and then slowly die and we as a congregation are no closer to sustainability than when we started.  Once the excitement of the new endeavor, be it a vacation bible school program, a more contemporary music blend for worship services, or any other number of ministries that can be introduced, it seems we as congregations lose our excitement over them and no longer volunteer or support those ministries.  We are looking for the next great ministry that will be our saving grace.

That is what I have been observing on my ministry walk.  I have been part of some very exciting movements of ministry in our congregation.  I have soared on the successes of them, and mourned over the failures.  Eventually people begin to shift to other roles or decide to not be part of something anymore because they want to give others a chance to be involved.  The biggest problem with this logic is that there isn’t anyone standing in line to become a part of these ministries to replace those that are no longer able to serve or those who need a break.  We are trying to produce the same quality of services week after week with fewer and fewer people to call on to help fill these roles.

The result of this, for me at least, is that often times I feel as if I have failed in my ministry endeavors.  Then I begin to question if I, as a former catholic girl, was too presumptuous in assuming that God had called me to be part of any ministry.  What business did I have trying to help minister to the children of God?  Rather than feeling joy and fulfillment from my various roles I am feeling increasingly more frustrated and defeated.

Then I was hit with a blinding flash of insight!

We, as congregations, are our own worst enemies.  We can blame all of our declining numbers on the factors above and lament over dwindling number of people in our pews each Sunday while feeling sorry for ourselves.  In reality what we need to start looking at is what is actually stalling our growth from the inside. Is it stubbornness or a fear of change by some or all of the members?  Are we working at cross purposes among ourselves because we don’t have a clear understanding of what our mission as a church body is? Have we identified weaknesses in our communication structures but are slow to find ways to correct the breakdowns?

There are many more internal issues that can also be holding us back.  Only after addressing our internal struggles can we start to look at how we can combat the external factors.

I have been learning another really hard lesson on my journey these past several months.  I cannot single-handedly fix what is breaking.  Nor is it up to me to make sure that things don’t fall apart.  Perhaps they are falling apart for a reason and what God helps us find in the ashes of these failed ministry efforts will be greater than anything we can currently envision.

According to the online Merriam Webster Dictionary the definition of the word impasse is:

impasse: a situation in which no progress seems possible

1 a: a PREDICAMENT AFFORDING no obvious escape

b: deadlock

Perhaps it is time for me to step back from the impasse that seems to be occurring in my congregation.  In my steadfast belief that we need to make permanent changes in the way we as a congregation see and do church, I don’t want to become the lone dissenting voice of negativity.  Maybe the time for my call to change has passed for the moment.  It is time to wait until we as a congregation are more coordinated with each other on what our directions for the future should be.

Eventually we are going to need to step out of our comfort zones.  Until then I will continue to pray for God’s guidance and strength to move forward and serve as he would have me serve.  Or move on if that is what he has in store for me.

Perhaps the congregation isn’t the only one that needs to step out of a comfort zone.

Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.            (Psalm 25:5, NRSV)

Answering the Call to Worship

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Today I had the extreme pleasure of having lunch with three ladies that are MYF youth sponsors with me.  This group of wonderful women have taken me under their collective wing and are mentoring me in the fine arts of leading an MYF group.

Each one is energetic and incredibly talented.  They spread their time and talents between families, jobs, and church service roles.  All to  often they have found themselves wearing several hats in church roles simultaneously.

Yet this group has tread successfully through the waters I am currently treading in.  Each one reached a point where it felt as if they were being pulled into to many directions at the same time and were able to recognize they weren’t being filled with joy as a result of being overwhelmed.  Although sometimes it was painful, they have gracefully found ways to step back to reclaim the joy that comes from doing the work of the church to bring glory to God.

Today much of our conversations were focused on the current state of the Mennonite church and how the very concept of what it is to do church is changing.  It amazed me how very similar the challenges that each person mentioned were to what we are currently experiencing at our church.  Our collective group represents three separate small Mennonite congregations which are located relatively close to each other in Northeast Ohio.

It isn’t hard to find articles these days that are related to the current state of affairs of the Mennonite Church and MC USA.  It has become a battle field of liberals verses conservatives.  The conservatives think the liberals are moving too fast and taking the church in the wrong direction while the liberals think the conservatives are dragging their feet and hampering the mission of the new emerging church culture.

There is also a struggle going on between the older members of the church and the younger members.  As the new millennial generation is growing up and going out on their own, we are finding that church is not a societal standard anymore.  We as churches are trying to react to draw in this millennial generation to keep our churches from dying out.

However in doing so, the older generation isn’t always very willing to give up the traditions that are tried and true for them.  They are hesitant and a little afraid to leave their comfort zones.  As a result, we are missing out on reaching a new generation whose ideas of what it is to be church are changing.

Changing how we do church doesn’t change what we believe.  The core values of our Confession of Faith remain intact.  What looks different is how we express that faith and want to worship in a corporal sense as a body of believers.

We can see that all facets of life have changed drastically over the past 100 years.  Some of the changes we see as good, others not so much.  The times we are now living in are very fast paced and visual.  Instant gratification abounds and it is hard to find a quiet space to tune out all of the noises of our lives.

Perhaps that is why we are finding it so hard to change the cultures in our churches.  These buildings have become spaces of sanctuary where time is standing still and everything is familiar.  We come to these places each week to seek refuge and to have a chance to hear those little whisperings that come to us in the silences.

But that is exactly why we NEED to change.

What was once safe and comfortable doesn’t look the same for the millennial generation.  They are all working full-time jobs and starting families.  Their support needs look vastly different from the needs of even just one generation ago.  They need fellowship, both for themselves and their children.  This new generation of church goers also need mentorship and support from the church family.

Most of all, I believe this group needs a safe place were they are allowed to ask questions.  Questions about faith.  Questions about life.  Questions about the very nature of God.  Questions about who they are as followers of God.

God is worthy of our thanksgiving and praise, and we as his children gather faithfully to worship him.  He is a loving God who doesn’t stipulate how we worship him.  All worship and praise is pleasing to him.  Maybe it is okay after all to shake things up a little bit and find new ways to show our love and adoration to God most high.

We must pray for guidance.  If we trust in the Holy Spirit, he will guide us into this new age.  Let us rely on him, instead of our human instincts, to show us the way forward.

This new age of believers will find a way to do church and to be church.  The great unknown in all of this is will our churches survive to continue to be church with this new age of believers?  Or will they choose to sit down and not venture out of their safety zones to allow the emerging church to find homes in our sanctuaries?

But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such as these to worship him.  God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. (John 4:23-24, NRSV)

 

 

 

 

 

Reflecting and Resolving

Shannon Martin1 Comment

We have all heard the expressions that say things like “Time flies when you’re having fun!”, and “Don’t blink, it all goes by so fast!”.  In my younger, more carefree days (i can pretend those days existed, right?) I would kind of scoff when people said those things to me.  I just knew that they were crazy!  How can time suddenly start moving faster?  The earth continues to turn at the same rate of speed each year as it travels around the sun, right?  I am willing to admit that I now owe all of these folks an apology!  Sorry I ever doubted you because you are correct and this past year went by incredibly fast!

As I think back over this past year I am greeted with some good memories and fun times as well as some periods of confusion and feeling overwhelmed.  All in all, it wasn’t a bad year in my life and God has showered me and my family with abundant blessings.  Here are some of the highlights:

  •  Took Max on the trip of his dreams in November when we went to Walt Disney World
  • Started a blog and published 22 posts
  • Learned that I am a people pleaser, which is part of what allows me to make commitments that leave me overwhelmed and have begun to work on not doing more than I can handle and to say “No” every now and again
  • Max started Middle School
  • Husband, an avid deer hunter, bagged three deer and filled the freezer
  • Lost 20 pounds

Looking forward to the new year, i feel obligated to create a rather large and ambitious list of resolutions that sound incredibly awesome!  Whether or not my resolve will last past this weekend I don’t know, but with God all things are possible.  So here they are in all of their over achieving splendour:

  • Eat supper at the table at least 5 nights out of 7
  • Exercise at least 5 days out of 7
  • Submit one article per month for publication in a magazine
  • Write and publish at least one blog post each week
  • Establish a new family budget and actually stick to it
  • Begin following the “SOAK” method of Bible Study, and also begin Bible coloring using the GMG Coloring chart  found here: GMG – Studying the Bible Using the SOAK Method, Coloring Chart and Meditation
  • Focus on writing by committing time each Saturday to sit down and complete Compel training offered through Proverbs 31 Ministries found here:  Probverbs 31 Ministries’ Compel – Words That Move People
  • Continue to learn through extensive reading

Whether I achieve these goals in 2015 or not, I know that I am a loved child of God and perfect in his sight exactly as I am right here and now.  Here’s to hoping that next year’s family picture has me looking a little less like Pooh Bear and a little more like Tigger, stripes and all!

Wishing you many blessings and great things in 2015!

The Lord bless and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26, NRSV) 

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An Ode to Joseph

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Image by Håkan Stigson from Pixabay

In this day and age of dysfunctional, fractured, and splintered families we mourn for the stability of the family unit of days gone by.  

We lament on the number of children who have to adjust to living lives with extra adults who aren’t their biological parents.  These children struggle to find security and their places in families where the lines have become blurry.

We as Christians have been given the image of what family should be and that love of God begins in the home.  I am going to go out on a limb here and say that while we (or at least I) have the impression that the Bible idea of family is a cohesive unit of father, mother, and children, the family trees in the Bible are actually just as gnarly and twisted as our modern family trees.

The very first family, in fact, is a prime example of a family that splintered quickly.  Adam and Eve had to deal with a family fall out when Cain killed his brother Abel. Cain then became estranged from the rest of his family.

Abraham has issues with Sarah and Hagar.  Isaac and Rebekah’s marital discord comes from favoring different sons. Jacob’s life was a disaster zone in the family department!   Moses had a birth family and an adoptive family.

Then there is David.  

Slayer of the giant and king of Israel.  He had a weakness when it came to women.  Rather than just choosing one wife, David chose many.  So many that there isn’t an accurate count of them available.  Can you envision all of those women living in such close proximity to each other, competing with each other for the king’s attention as well as trying to get his favor for their children?

But God uses all of this for good and for his ultimate purpose.  Whether we can understand it or not.

So is it any surprise that with the birth of Jesus there is another blended family?  But just as Jesus tempered law with love, God chooses for Jesus’ foster father a man who embraces his role in this unusual family and leaves us with the legacy of a man to look up to and try to emulate in our homes.  He gives us one shining example with the very first family in the New Testament to dispel with all of the chaotic family notions of the Old Testament.

Other than he is a descendant of David, we don’t know much about Joseph except that he is a carpenter.  The New Testament only mentions him a handful of times, and we know nothing of when or how he dies.  But what these few mentions in scripture do tell us is that he is a compassionate man:

Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way.  When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit.  Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to dismiss her quietly.
(Matthew 1:18-19, NRSV)

An angel steps in and assures Joseph that Mary’s story is the truth.  Joseph still has a choice though.  He could easily choose to still quietly dismiss Mary. He is well with in his rights to do so under Jewish law.  However, Joseph chooses to take on the responsibility of providing for and protecting the baby Jesus.

Would another descendant of David have been as willing to go along with this plan?  Surely Joseph is as favored as Mary in being chosen to be the protector of the Messiah.  Like Mary’s life is turned upside down when she agrees to be the Lord’s hand maiden,  Joseph’s world will also become crazy.

He doesn’t hesitate to leave behind the life that he has built for himself and his family when he is told by an angel to flee to Egypt for the child’s safety.  Joseph once again leaves behind whatever security he has been able to find for his small family in Egypt when he is told to return to the land of Israel.

Did Joseph ever grumble about all of the upheavals that came with the advent of the Messiah and Mary into his life?  I am sure that he did.  He was after all only human.  It is his willingness to heed God’s call on his life and go when he is told that makes him stand out.

Being the appointed guardian and protector of the Christ child is his claim to fame, but Joseph’s compassion, empathy, and protection of a child that was not his own should also be remembered.  He is a true example of Godly fatherhood in a broken world.

Click here to watch Joseph’s Lullaby by Mercy Me