Category: Struggles on the Journey

Offering My Opinion

Shannon Martin2 Comments

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.  Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:3-5, NRSV

I am so tired of trying to figure out who I am supposed to be and where I am supposed to be this person at.  I don’t want to be political.  I don’t want to be religious.  But I also don’t know what I do want to be.

Am I a theologian?  Who knows.

Am I a disciple?  I am trying desperately to be one.

But I don’t know who or what I am reaching out to in a world that is crazy and getting more so all the time.  When did chaos become the normal order of the day?

We as a country, as a people, and as communities have become so opinionated and divided.  When did opinions become rights?  Do I really have the right to voice my opinion on the serious matters of the day if I haven’t taken the time to research and educate myself on the matter at hand?  I mean, really truly study and know the ins and outs of whatever it is that I am about to make an opinion on.  Googling and following social media does not count as a valid source of education.

Opinions are not rights.  They are educated, intellectually thought through pieces of information that should only be offered if I am prepared to have others with differing opinions question or challenge my opinions.  It is also expected that others will have different thoughts and perspectives from mine.  That is perfectly okay.

It doesn’t make them stupid.

It doesn’t make me stupid.

It makes us challenge each other.  It pushes us to be more.  It helps us to continue to be motivated to seek wisdom.  It challenges me to be the best me that I can be.

It makes me a life-long seeker and learner.

Funny, because that could be the very first required task listed on the Job Expectations and Requirements for the job of Disciple.

Why are we so afraid to engage with each other in debates?  What has happened to agreeing to disagree?  Human lives are messy.  There is no way we can ever all agree on everything exactly.  What a dull grey world it would be!

God has made each of us uniquely different. And he has also made us each uniquely gifted.  We are meant to go out and color the world around us with grace and mercy painting fresh ideas of what truly matters.

Teaching what true salvation is.

We don’t always have to agree on everything.  I can still love without being in total agreement and perfect harmony on thoughts and important issues of the day with my fellow mankind.  We are only here for a short time.

Let us try to make the world around us, a world filled with darkness, a brighter place to live.  Shine the lights of grace, justice, and humility everywhere that you go.  At the end of the day it is eternity that is what matters.

I want to walk as a faithful woman of God.

As such, I must live in community with others because that is how God has made us.  We are created to live in community with each other.  Every man for himself is a human idea of strength.  Survival of the fittest has been one of the fastest paved roads to hell right along with good intentions.

We each have a place to fill in the Kingdom of God here on earth.  We must learn to appreciate each other’s gifts and be encouraging to those around us as we each learn to use the gifts given to us.

Don’t step on or belittle my gifting’s.  Let me grow into being the full woman God has created me to be.  Help me to spread my wings and explore the different ways I can serve and uplift and bring along others on the journey with us.

Affirm me when I possibly get it right, and encourage me to keep searching and seeking when I get it wrong.

Don’t discount the lessons I have learned along the journey so far.  And help me to find rest because we all need Sabbath time.  Remind me that my worth isn’t in what I do but who I belong to.

Pray for me and pray with me and let me pray for you.  I am a wife and a mother, I am an employee and a manager, I am a worship leader and a teacher, I am a sinner and a child of God most high.

I am a seeker and a disciple.

— But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34 – NIV

Grieving and Lamenting

Shannon MartinLeave a comment

joshua

I am feeling like a wreck.  Then I feel sad, but okay.   Then I swing back to being an emotional wreck.

At the same time, it still doesn’t seem real.  Reality is funny that way.  We spend our lives watching television shows that use violent crime investigations as story lines, but never expect to see our own family caught up in the horror of a family member actually being the victim of a violent crime.

In my mind I like to think of you walking up to the pearly gates where you see the familiar faces of Papa and Mike waiting to welcome you to your heavenly home.  I can only imagine the capers the three of you will be getting up to together!

Questions flood through my mind.  All of the “what ifs”?  What if I had been more connected to you in our adult years.  What if someone else had been with you that night.  What if they never catch the person who did this?  But I find comfort in these scriptures:

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. – Romans 12:19 (NIV)

and:

How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay, and again, “The Lord will judge his people. It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. – Hebrews 10:29-31 (NIV)

which are both referencing Deuteronomy 32:34-36:

“Have I not kept this in reserve and sealed it in my vaults?  It is mine to avenge; I will repay.  In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”  The Lord will vindicate his people     and relent concerning his servants when he sees their strength is gone and no one is left, slave or free.

Justice is in the hands of God.  We can’t do anything to change what has happened and we may not ever be able to see justice served for you here on earth.  God is still in control.  We must place this into his hands.  All that we can do is pray for this enemy, as Jesus teaches us in Matthew 5:43-45:

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Memories have been flooding back to me over the past few days of the childhood times spent with you, dear cousin of mine.  You were an incredibly big-hearted guy who loved to be goofy and make people laugh.  There was a lot of laughter in those days.

I can remember trick or treating with you and going to the Halloween parties at McDonald’s.  We spent hours giggling about Weird Al songs.  And who could forget watching The Bride of Boogedy over and over again.  We wanted to have ” a THIRD eye!”

Times spent in the swimming pool, going to see Christmas shows, lights, and Christmas Land.  Making up our own “shows” and performing them for your mom.  Trips to family reunions and amusement parks.  Big family gatherings during the holidays.  Happy times.  Innocent times.

Before adulthood, grownup problems, and this world’s demons caught up to us.

You fought a brave battle little cousin with the demons and addictions that you faced.   Some times you were successful, and other times not so much.  But we have always loved you!  God has always loved you.  And we know that you loved God as well.

We may never know what happened that early morning.  We are struggling to make sense of the reality of losing you.  We just can’t fathom how someone could do this to you.  But we cling to the promises of our heavenly Father, claiming them for you and for all of us still here in this realm:

“The Lord is King for ever and ever;
    the nations will perish from his land.
 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;
    you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
    so that mere earthly mortals
    will never again strike terror.” –  Psalm 10:16-18 (NIV)

Although your life was cut short too soon, we are seeing that you left a big impact on all of those who knew you.  The outpouring of messages from all the different people you knew all mentioned how kind and supportive you always were for each of them.   You touched so many lives in a positive way, spreading love in the midst of your own struggles.

You have finally overcome the battles you faced in this life sweet Cousin.  The demons of this life can’t hold you or harm you any more.  We may never see your big giant grin again, but we cherish all of the memories we have made with you.  Rest easy, Joshua, finding peace with our Father in Heaven.

Until we meet again in the next life, go rest high on that mountain.

Busy Being Not Busy

Shannon MartinLeave a comment

For the first time in my life that I can recall, I am finding myself in an odd position.  I have absolutely no idea what comes next on my journey, nor any plans for how to get to what I feel should be the next phase of my life.

I am a recovering busy-aholic.

For most of my adult life I have found my worth and my identity in all the activities I took part in.  This is in all the aspects of my life – personal, professional and spiritual.  Any changes in any of these areas, regardless of how small they were, caused major upsets in my world.

This way of perceiving myself and the world around me and qualifying myself by constantly doing was exhausting. It also didn’t ever leave me feeling very satisfied with myself or my circumstances or my life in general.

At the end of the day I still just wanted more.  More time, more financial means, more friendships.  Just more of all of the good things in life I guess.  Determined to achieve more and be more so that I could have more rewards from both the world of men and from God.

The funny thing about this perspective is that I tried so hard to take care of everything and everyone around me that I forgot to take care of me or my personal relationship with God!   No wonder I couldn’t find any peace, joy, or satisfaction.

Fortunately, in spite of myself, by the grace of God, I was able to realize just how dysfunctional my sense of self-worth was.  My worth can’t be found among earthly people or pursuits or even within myself.

 My worth comes from Yahweh — God who is always with me.

Having been taught this lesson by our very patient God where does that leave me?

I am now in a holding pattern.   I do not know what is coming next for me or where my next calling lies.  For the first time ever I have no idea what comes next.  There are no plans for how to get to the next place.  I am just being still and trying to be content in my Sabbath rest:

So then, a sabbath rest still remains for the people of God; for those who enter Gods’s rest also cease from their labors as God did from his.  Let us therefore make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one may fall through such disobedience as theirs. – Hebrews 4:9-11 (NRSV)

Rest – sounds so easy!  However, it has been a struggle for me.  For someone so used to being busy, stepping back from committees and other commitments without having new ones lined up has been incredibly hard. Still this is what the Father has for me at this time in my life.  Stepping back, letting go of settling for just good, while waiting to see what God has in store for me.  Taking time to just be and breathe.

As I have laid aside my studies, readings, and writing to just take time to rest my mind and commune with the Maker of my soul there have been little voices attempting to break my peace and joy.  Even on sabbatical rest the Enemy’s little darts still try to zing me.

Thoughts flood my mind of things I SHOULD be doing as I sit relaxing on the back deck watching the birds in the yard.   Thoughts of how lazy I am because I am not touching the pile of books that are on my end table patiently waiting to be read.  Thoughts of being a failure as a writer because I can’t seem to find inspiration for blog posts at the moment.

I have discovered that being not busy is EXACTLY what I am supposed to be doing right now.  If I were not being obedient in this then there would be no attacks, but the enemy has been working over time to wreck my peace.  It has been a constant temptation for me to jump into something, anything, just to make myself busy.

And it is during these times of temptation that I feel stressed and frantic.  When I tell those voices in my head to quiet down and allow me to rest, my peace returns.  I chose to ask God in humility and obedience to help me find the strength to continue to be resting in him rather than finding busyness that distracts me from him.

And little by little, small tasks are being sent my way again.  He is now leading me to continue to rest, but to also spend this time learning in preparation of things to come.  There are books that are now being read and studied, blog posts that are starting to come together one piece at a time, and opportunities to spread my wings and step out of my comfort zone to try preaching the Sunday morning message again in the near future.

Beyond these small things, He still hasn’t revealed what comes next on the journey for me.  I am content to learn the small lessons as he teaches them to me.

Sabbath rest is vital to a healthy personal relationship with God.  Make the time to engage in just being in his presence.  Rest in his arms as he prepares you to take up his yoke once more.

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for  am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  – Matthew 11:28-30 (NSRV)

 

 

 

Talents and Testimonies

Shannon Martin1 Comment

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A few weeks ago my son and I joined our church family on the annual weekend spring retreat.  It was held at the Laurelville Mennonite Church Center near Mt. Pleasant, PA.

One of the activities available at Laurelville is a prayer labyrinth. It is situated at the top of a long, gradually winding, hilly path.  From this labyrinth, which is a large circle and consists of winding stone and pebble paths, you can look out across a breathtaking view of a valley.

As I set out for an afternoon walk to the prayer labyrinth I found sunshine, deep vividly blue sky, brisk winds, and a quiet meditative time of reflection and prayer.  My thoughts began to reflect on the powerful messages our resource person for the weekend had shared with us earlier that morning and the previous night before.

Our resource person was Dr. Don Bartlette*.  He is a very gifted speaker known for his  life story, Macaroni at Midnight.   It tells of the struggles he faced as not only a disabled child, but also as a discriminated Native American child who grew up in poverty.  He over came all of the adversities of his childhood and young adult years and would eventually go on to use his story of healing and redemption to help spread God’s message of love.

As I continued to walk with the brisk breezes and sunshine hitting my face my thoughts shifted from Dr. Don to one of the scriptures I have been meditating on over the past month,  the Parable of the Talents.

Found in Matthew 25:14-30, this story tells the tale of three servants who are each entrusted with different amounts of talents (money) from their master.  Two of them immediately go out and use the talents they have been given to increase the total amount of talents.  The last servant, who had only been given one talent, dug a hole and hid the talent given to him there.

When the master returned he was greatly pleased with the first two servants and rewarded them.  The third servant was not so fortunate.  He was tossed out for being wicked and lazy.  I must admit that I have always felt sorry for this poor guy.

Until recently I must have been taking this story quite literally because I couldn’t understand why the guy who protected the money he was given was considered so lazy.  He was entrusted to protect the money given to him, right?  That’s exactly what he did!  In my mind the first two were the ones that were questionable because they were gambling with the master’s money.

It turns out Jesus wasn’t telling this story to warn us about the dangers of a gambling addiction!

In this parable the talents are actually representing spiritual gifts and the master is God.  So the first and second servants went out immediately and used the talents/gifts God had given them to increase the numbers in God’s flock which in turn brought the gifts of the new members to be used for Kingdom work.  They were obedient and willing servants.

The third servant, who was called lazy, actually kept his gifts locked inside and was refusing to use his gifts because he was afraid of God.  I believe that at the heart of this fear was the fact that he didn’t clearly understand the nature of God.  He says to him, “Master, I knew that you were a harsh man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed,” in verse 24.

We have been taught in songs that there are many gifts but the same Spirit.  The Holy Spirit gives each of us gifts and talents that are uniquely suited to our purposes and tasks in the Kingdom:

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit;  and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord;   and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone.   To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. – 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 (NRSV)

However, neither God the Father nor the Holy Spirit forces us to use these gifts.  We have to willingly make the choice to share our gifts and to be used for good here on earth.

We are also each given a testimony that is unique to us.  These testimonies are made of good experience and bad experiences.  There is pain in this life.  No one can escape from it.  However, God is using that pain in the process to help refine us.

God doesn’t choose to let bad things happen to us, but he will always use the experience for good.  If we are willing to live lives of obedience and humility in his service he will help us to not only survive but to heal and to thrive.  He will use these experiences as teaching tools once the work of refining and molding are done.  The greatest men and women in the Bible had to go through pain and trials as God was cleansing them and preparing them for great tasks.

Who would know this better than Joseph?  He chose to trust in the Lord in the midst of his betrayals and sufferings caused by his brothers’ jealousy.  Joseph also allowed God to heal his wounded heart.  When the time came, he was able to not only forgive those same brothers, but he provided for them and their people during the time of famine:

Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today. – Genesis 50:20 (NRSV)

We each have a testimony to go out and share and talents to use to help us share not only our testimony, but also the love of God.  Our heavenly Master is weaving together our gifts and experiences into the tapestries of our lives.  Will the finished tapestries reflect love and care for gathering in God’s people?  Or will they be marred by insecurity or an unwilling, unrepentant spirit?

Will we allow God to heal our wounds and depend on him to use them for good? 

Trust in God and he will make all things new and good.

I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective when you perceive all the good that we may do for Christ. – Philemon 1:6 (NRSV)

*To learn more about Dr. Don Bartlette and his experiences and testimony, visit his website or find his recordings at Amazon.

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Mr. Max and Dr. Don Bartlette – Laurelville Mennonite Church Center, April 2016

Of Spirits and Their Warfare

Shannon MartinLeave a comment

Spiritual warfare.  What can I say about it that hasn’t been said before?  Is it real? Absolutely!

The doldrums, the blues, Jonah days — call them whatever you want. They are dark days mentally and spiritually depressing.

Dark nights of the soul.

Like most things in life, it doesn’t come in one shape or size.  Each experience is different for each person.  I suppose there can be similarities, but since no two people are alike no two experiences can be exactly alike.  I am not sure if what I experience is the norm in these instances or not, but this is what it feels like for me:

I feel like I am slipping into a deep dark hole drowning in darkness. It leaves me feeling hopeless and lost and lonely. And it is the loneliness that gets me the most.

I feel isolated and completely alone. All hope is gone. Which I know is not true.  I know that I have ever-present hope and I have been cleansed and saved but in the midst of the darkness it feels like I have lost all hope.

It feels like I’m alone and that is how he attacks me.

He isolates me and separates me and makes me feel as if no one in the world cares about me in any way shape or form and I am a lonely island adrift in icy cold dark waters.

So is there a spiritual warfare? Yes, unequivocally yes —  and the reason that no one can explain exactly what spiritual warfare is like is because it’s tailor-made for each and every one of us. The devil and his demons pick out their target and then look for the weaknesses and put together a custom plan of attack specifically for you, specifically for me.

The devil and his minions don’t stick to one plan of attack either.

Once they have done all they can with their frontal attack, then  they become even more covert and spring up from the sides or come from behind. They continue with other little attacks when you’re already feeling lost and hopeless and alone.

The evil army begins to make you question things like your confidence in yourself as a professional.  Or perhaps it is your  dependability or worthiness as a mother or a wife or a homemaker .  Maybe it is centered on your physical appearance making you wonder if anyone can take you seriously because you don’t fit into the super model mold.

Why do these attacks happen?

Not because Satan has anything against you per se, but because as soon as you make that choice  to step out in faith  and strive to be all that God has called you to be you have captured his undivided attention.

You see we are the front lines in our communities spreading the love and good news — Light bearers in a dark and broken world.

Satan’s  issues are with God not man . He is using his attacks at us to attack God.

Our Father in Heaven is just like any earthly parent and wants to protect us.  We are after all made in God’s image.  He wants to keep us safe and sheltered and covered with his love.

How far do we go to protect our loved ones?  Can you imagine how much farther our Father God goes to protect and care for us?

He went so far to protect and care for us that it cost him his Son!

So what can we as brothers and sisters in Christ do when faced with spiritual warfare? How do we help each other and support each other when in the midst of a great attack? In the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians, we stand firm, ready for battle, clothed in the full armor God has provided to us:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power.  Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness.  As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 Pray in the Spirit at all times in every prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert and always persevere in supplication for all the saints. – Ephesians 6:10-18 (NRSV)

It has been said that we Christians have forgotten how to pray.  Our prayers ask for safety.  We ask God to watch over us and to watch over those we love and to keep us all safe.  We pray that no harm ever come to us.

The Christians in the early church, as well as Christians in times of persecution, didn’t pray for safety.  They prayed for boldness.  For the ability to go forward proclaiming the goodness and saving grace of Jesus on the cross no matter what the cost.

We also need to be more diligent in wielding the sword of spirit.

The Bible.

The Spirit-breathed words of God.

We need to study and immerse ourselves in these words committing them to memory and storing them away in our hearts. That way when the attacks come we are at the ready with our sword to defend ourselves.  Jesus himself gave us this example when he was tempted by Satan in the desert.

Perhaps the biggest enemy we have when it comes to spiritual warfare is ourselves.  We have become so caught up in the concept of self-reliance in twenty-first century America that we try to take on the battles alone.

We need to embrace the examples of our ancestors and rely on our mighty and powerful God to fill us with his strength.  We need to leave behind the preconceived notions that we must handle things on our own or be considered weak.

In the end we are all weak.  We need to cling to and place our hope and faith in God.  Only he can can equip us for the battles and only he can lead us through them.  We are engaged in a battle for today, but Jesus has already won the war for eternity.

Indeed, you are my lamp, O Lord, the Lord lightens my darkness.  By you I can crush a troop,
    and by my God I can leap over a wall.  This God—his way is perfect;
    the promise of the Lord proves true;
    he is a shield for all who take refuge in him.  –2 Samuel 22:29-31 (NRSV)